My Bookshelves agleam are lined with glistening Treasures. Cans reside upon the top shelf, their contents are emptied, their Labels strip'd, their undulated iron Skins burnish’d with silver Polish. I would have preferred they were Gold. I possess Rings there, which I came to acquire from our Voyage to Mexico when I was merely five years old. Moreover, on the ledges reside the following: Photographs of Jewelry cut from Magazines, pasted to Cardboard and positioned as to stand upright; one particular Spoon of brighter sheen from a collection of sterling Silver given by Grandmother to my Parents when they were married; this aforementioned Silver for which my Mother bears a deep hatred; and a small accumulation of various coins, each of which has been boil’d, scour’d and polish’d so they may shine lustrously.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Passage Rewrite - Defoe Style
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This is pretty good, Anique: you've got the rhythm, punctuation, and orthography right. The prose may be a bit too poetic in spots--I'm thinking especially of the line "undulated iron Skins burnish'd with silver polish." The word "agleam" in the opening sentence is unnecessary, as you note that the treasure glistens--Defoe is rambling, but he is rarely redundant within clauses. Overall, though, a nice job.
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